CULTURE & CHILD MARRIAGE

HOW  CULTURE CONTRIBUTED TO KABINDA’S CHILD MARRIAGE.

Have you ever wondered why the girl child is married off very early in my village? Does it perplex you when you see a child trying hard to be a responsible mother?

Here are some reasons that forced Kabinda (Not her real name) to get married before the legal age of 18.

 Kabinda was married off at the age of 14. Her sad case highlights challenges girl-children in rural areas face ranging from cultural to socio-economic factors.

Image by 123RF

She was born in a fishing community of Chikonde’s village in Lunga. She had a confined upbringing that revolved around fishing camps and the village. Her father, Mbatata, had never been to school. In his heydays, he was a skilled fisherman, an occupation that brought the family some income to sustain a meaningful village standard of life.

With a small family, Mbatata led a semi-nomadic life between Kapandamana fishing camp and the village. All his family needed were the very basic of things such as food, some clothes and a hut.

With no exposure to any other standard of living in their lives, they enjoyed life like any other person around them. They went to church on Sunday, grew some cassava and rice. They always had a variety of fish, birds and meat on the menu.

As a small girl, Kabinda imitated old women by playing mother to clay-made dolls. She cooked in tins in the outskirts of the village known as mambute with her friends. Kabinda was always commended when she exhibited maternal behaviour as a small girl.

Another game Kabinda learnt early in life was Icibale, a bead-winning competition. Women would gather in one place and put an equal measure of beads, usually identified by colour, in a saucer-like shallow plate. one person would emerge winner by lot if her single bead dropped out upon a thrust of all in the plate.

The more beads you won, the more prestige you had among fellow women. Beads were won around the waist to arouse husbands. Those who did not have beads were considered clownish. So Kabinda had to learn this attraction for men quite early.

As a Pubescent, everyone stopped addressing her by her first name without the honorific prefix “Ba” which is used for addressing adults. She became Ba Kabinda giving her an added sense of adulthood.

As she grew older, she would attend some women’s evening entertainment called Ifisela that took place whenever there was moonlight. This was a gathering of women only where they danced and sang songs that bordered on marriage life.

 For example, one type of dance was where they put a log which married women hopped while spinsters could not. The song would go like this:

Konta! iyaya konta! x2

Uwaupwa, acile akalando umushimbe apelele pa kati! X2

Chorus

Umushimbe, apelele pa kati!

Umushimbe apelele pa kati!

Umushimbe apelele pa kati.

(Meaning; The spinster must avoid going over the log as doing so was reserved for the married women.)

Consequently, it appeared honourable to be identified as a married woman regardless of the quality of one’s marriage.

The second song emphasized the pride of a married woman working closely with her husband:

Pa kasenga, Pa kasenga bamayo pa kasenga balume x3

Tulewasha na ‘balume mu ng’anda, pa kasenga balume!

Tulecisa na ‘balume mu ng’anda, pa kasenga balume, etc

(Meaning: It’s enjoyable doing things as a couple. It could be washing or ironing clothes, etc.! 

Household chores are more interesting with a husband.)

To Kabinda, it was more prestigious to get married as she would then identify with the “lucky” women of the village. In fact, immediately she bears her first child, her maiden name would automatically disappear for Bana………… (Mother of………….). Another impressive title of the community!

During the initiation ceremony on her first menstrual occasion, an idea was planted on her mind that she was actually ready for marriage.

Also, her parents’ fear was that if she lost her virginity and got pregnant, they would lose bride price which was a significant source of family wealth.

With a family that was growing rapidly, Mbatata could no longer afford clothes for grown up girls like Kabinda who was expected to fend for herself or someone else had to take this responsibility!

All this time, Kabinda had no reproductive health information whatsoever. In fact, discussing sex with her parents was taboo.  In the absence of her deceased grandmother, Kabinda had to learn everything in a short space of time, during initiation ceremony and/or immediately before getting married.

 That is the only time her parents would hire some women counselors (Ifimbusa) to give her sex tit bits. Before that, she could just speculate. You may imagine her pressure to experiment what she had been told by her peers.

School was far away from Chikonde village. She would walk for about four hours to go and come back.  Kabinda was frustrated and lost interest in education. She had a very remote idea of what it meant to be educated

.

With parental approved suitor and nothing else to wait for, she willingly accepted to be married at the age of 14! At 30, Bana  Chale has eight children and reminiscing on her childhood challenges!

 Unfortunately, due to the size of her family, Kabinda’s children cannot go to school too, because her husband cannot afford school requirements. This means that the cycle will go on and on until God knows when.

GOOD NEWS TO MY VILLAGE: The fight against early marriages is gaining momentum in Zambia. Thanks to the involvement of many in leadership that include traditional rulers, government and non-governmental organizations. The battle is far from being won but strides have been made in the right direction.

This article is meant to help break that sad cycle. Support end - to - child - marriage Campaign! Start within your family!