OF GRAVY AND NKONDWA- UNGA TABLE MANNERS

Wondering how you should behave when you are hosted by a Unga family? Let’s take a dive into the Unga tribe’s table etiquette. It’s another delicious slice from our lifestyle.

First-time visitor to the family or just arrived?  If so, you will likely be served either alone or as a group of guests. In that case, you can mind your own business because your hosts will be on their own, too, until you have interacted for a day or two. 

First and foremost, you will notice that our normal day starts with Nshima, the same thing known by different names in Africa; Ugali in Kenya, Pap in  South Africa, Papa in Botswana, Posho in Uganda, Sadza if you are from Zimbabwe but we also call it Ubwali in Lunga; (a strong meal porridge made from either maize, millet or cassava mealie powder) served  with some accompaniment we term relish, for breakfast or brunch, followed by yet another Nshima with something for lunch, and later in the evening you are likely to have Nshima with so and so accompaniment. In short, never be surprised, nshima is our main thing. 

Relish will mainly be fish, prepared in a variety of ways, meat, a wild bird and, for an important visitor like you, a chicken.  If you are served with vegetables as the main accompaniment, it means your host is either very poor, a fishing novice (ikolo), has not been out fishing or might be a lazy character. In fact, it’s only now that you can find a variety of vegetables everywhere in Lunga. Back in the days, you only had cassava leaves (katapa), sweet potato leaves (kalembula), amaranthus dubius (bondwe) or rarely Ipomoea ruben (mulyamfubu) as common veggies, all contemptuously referred to as women’s relish. Most men despised eating vegetables because they were associated with fishing incompetence and ubukolo, and so preferred something meaty, all the time, every time.

Nshima will always be served in one large portion, rather than the urban way of small lumps on side plates, regardless of the number of people. The size will, however, be commensurate with the quantity of partakers. Men will eat with fellow men and lucky and disciplined boys. Boys below the age of seven will either eat with their mothers or will be served separately. Women will also eat with other women, usually straight from the pots.

There are sound reasons for such a definition of gender and age groups during meals. The main one being that people must abide by and respect cultural seniority. Men, being considered the most senior in the family hierarchy, deserve certain parts of the relish. And also, custom demands that certain parts be served for specific reasons.

 If, for example, a chicken is slaughtered in your honour, an undisciplined boy might pounce on the gizzard, which is the symbol of respect for you. No other part of the chicken has the same value as the gizzard to an important guest. When you are served with chicken without a gizzard, it means it was not meant for you.

 If the hooves of an animal are served to a man of the house, the woman is informing him that the animal he hunted has now finished. He can no longer expect nshima with meat after that.

   Let’s also take an ordinary family meal involving a catfish, Muta, which is also locally known as barbel fish. It will usually be divided into three to four parts. The head and the part near the caudal fin (tail) are for men. In fact, in all types of fish, birds and even animals, the head is a preserve of menfolk. This is because they are the fishers or hunters. There’s even a saying that, “ukuli umutwe, e kwa cibinda,” meaning whoever is served with the head is the hunter. Parts such as the eyes of the fish, the part around the pectoral fins (Akalembula), are a no-go area for “weaker vessels” and children. Women and children can share and enjoy the middle part of the fish.

While other Zambian tribesmen will start by slicing a morsel of nshima, dipping it into the gravy, eating it, and later following it up with a piece of relish, it’s not so with a typical Unga! You will notice that Ungas will usually pick on relish first before they touch nshima. In other words, we attach more significance to relish than nshima.

The other notable trait is forming ulukondwa, a sizeable dug-out ladle, by poking a morsel of nshima with a thumb to enable one scoop of gravy. Children are not allowed to imitate adults in forming ladles when sharing a meal. It is a form of contempt of the highest level for elders. Ulukondwa (nkondwa for the plural) is a preserve of elders when you are eating with elders.

One old man said the reason is simple: “The goodness, the ingredients or simply the real meaning of relish is retained in the soup (gravy). The boy must always remember that he is always at the mercy of adults to enjoy it or not.”  So, you always need to correctly assess the age group of your tablemates before you engage in ladles. One of our popular Kalindula songs reminds us of this by recounting how an uncultured Musonda, a boy, was lambasted for attempting to perform nkondwa in the presence of elders. He was almost lynched!

Remember that boys are supposed to eat in total silence, while adults can engage in chit-chat while eating. Unless otherwise asked, he will just listen to the conversation. In fact, for a boy to qualify to eat with elders, he must be obedient, clean, well-mannered and usually hang around to do errands for them without whining.

Another notable is that a boy eating with elders will not drink the leftover gravy without express permission. Many will encourage him to do so at the end, knowing they had more through ladles from which he is exempted. If so, they will encourage him: “Teula, mpapula muto tayonda” (you may go ahead and drink the gravy; it protects you from malnutrition).

Lastly, the boy cannot wash his hands, even if he is the first to stop eating, until he has picked up all the bone droppings, cleared the table, and all the adults have washed and dusted. A boy who has the privilege of eating with menfolk is always an envy to others as he partakes in the best of what is served.

On the day you visit us, you will be able to observe many more behaviours that make Unga culture unique. I am sure that after your visit, you will be able to answer in the affirmative to one of our common greetings, ‘mwaliileni?’ (hope you enjoyed our hospitality), to which we usually answer, “Eya mukwai, twaliila,” Oh, yes, we did.

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